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Discussion #37 - Human Sexuality

The actual act of sexual intercourse (although extremely important and enjoyable) is just a small fraction of what sexuality really means in our modern culture. It is woven into the social fabric of our lives to a degree that is commonly underestimated.

The most common misunderstanding about human sexuality is that although there are only two sexes, there are an infinite number of "shades of grey" in the male/female spectrum, as well as a few overtly different orientations. Most people are basically aware of this, but normally don't stop to analyze it much (something I enjoy doing a lot of).

While there are many men and women who are definitely at the extreme ends of the spectrum (either way), the majority of human beings are actually somewhere in the middle (of their gender). Many of these people are somewhat in denial of this fact, and will pretend they are at the correct extreme for social acceptance/ego/perceived significance reasons.

A good example of this would be sports talk. The biggest reason for this common obsession (with most guys) is not the sport itself. It's commonly used to test/probe/convey the idea that those involved are indeed extremely male in sexual orientation. For females, it's not as big of a deal to demonstrate this to others verbally, but the same principle does apply. A good example of this would be the common obsession with hair, makeup, nails, etc.

Our sexuality is a big part of who we are, and greatly affects how and who we interact with on a daily basis. Biologically, we all have both male and female hormones coursing through our veins, it's just a question of how much of each. There are also biological differences in our neurology that have nothing to do with the endocrine system (our natural hormone factory) at all.

There is also a vast difference in the degree of how interested/sexual each of us is (and this also normally declines with age). Some are obsessed/oozing with sexuality, some are not. Neither way is better, just different. In reality, the main purpose of sexuality is for procreation, so that our species does not die off (nature's little trick). Any purposes above this are purely for entertainment, health, or social reasons (also very important).

Many try to generalize, pigeon-hole, or predict the chances of a person succeeding in life, based in part on their sexuality. This is impossible to do with any form of accuracy, as human beings (and life in general) are far too complex. Some extremely macho men (no disrespect intended) are going to succeed, some aren't. Some extremely feminine and/or sexual women will succeed in life and some will not. This one aspect of life determines nothing. What determines the outcome of a person's life has far more to do with will power (which we control), than genetics (which we do not).

Heterosexual (straight) men with a strong feminine side (commonly referred to as "girly men") are generally pretty popular with the ladies, but not always with other men. They are generally just as interested in sex (often more), and are normally very good at it. They are also often far less aggressive in nature. While this combination appeals to most women, there are many who prefer the higher level of aggression. Everyone is different, and these differences in personality help to make life far more interesting. Instead of judging others who are different from ourselves as being automatically inferior (which is how most people really feel deep down inside), enjoy these differences. Variety is the spice of life, and this is not just some cute expression. It really does make life far more enjoyable than it would be otherwise, assuming there is a respect for these differences.

There is another sexual "difference" that is seen as being a fairly "big" deal to some. Although the female sexual experience is 90% emotional intimacy driven, the 10% physical component is definitely affected by a little expression called "size does matter". Just not the way most people think. It's not "one size fits all", but more compatibility. Just as men vary in size, so do women. Body proportions are generally fairly consistent throughout the entire body. A good indicator would be foot shape/size, fingers and arm length, etc. For some women, bigger is definitely better, but for others it's just painful. Bragging rights aside, pain is not normally a great sexual turn-on. We humans compete in everything, and this one is definitely no exception.

When a couple is not compatible, there is even the risk of tearing and infection in certain positions. The average size of men is not quite as large as most people think. It's actually 5.2 inches (erect), so for all "average sized people", it's much better for confidence in the bedroom to realize this. This extra confidence will actually make a much bigger difference to sexual performance, than being extremely well endowed. Also, according to a Men's Health survey, 79% of men are growers, and only 21% are showers, so for all you men who are worried about how you look in the locker rooms, urinals, or showers, don't be, you're definitely not alone. Also, size when flaccid has no correlation to size when erect.

The biggest current modern sexual issue, seems to be the moral value & ideal of monogamy (or lack thereof). In any human romantic relationship that is truly loving in nature, sexual monogamy is still (globally) by far the most popular and common desire for most couples. This reality does obviously vary depending on the country, ethnic group, generation, or religious ideology.

Countries such as the Netherlands, for example, place far less value on this moral ideal. Worldwide, however, monogamy still reigns supreme as the preferred relationship arrangement, regardless of sexual orientation. There is, of course, the incentive created by STD's (sexually transmitted diseases), but by far the biggest advantage to monogamy is the fact that if we truly love someone (romantically), then why would we want to deliberately crush them in this way?

Of course we all instinctively have the animalistic urges, but we are in fact not animals. We all have that magical ability to override these urges, if we so choose. Anyone who claims otherwise, is simply lying. This is why we normally send sexually, unacceptably deviant people to jail. Similar to murder, we all possess the necessary will power to control our actions, no matter how strong the urges are, and even under the influences of drugs & alcohol.

Also, recent research has proven that the old fashioned idea that only men are "turned on" by the idea of promiscuity has been proven false. Women (on average), are just as aroused by these sorts of thoughts and ideas as men. So, without a vow or strong agreement of fidelity, the geese & the ganders are equally at risk of running around on each other.

Historically, in our ancient hunter-gatherer days, monogamy was used to protect our offspring, along with avoiding STD's. In modern-day life, I would argue that these motivators should still apply. The best way to protect our children is in fact to stay with our original procreation partner. It also enhances the ability of a couple to own property, which can then be passed on to the children.

So many people these days, are used to and expecting a vast amount of excitement and turbo-stimulation from their romantic relationships. Mating for life may not seem like the best way to accomplish this, but there is a more mature, and in many ways much more satisfying form of love that (if given the chance), eventually takes the place of all that initial sizzle & excitement.

For all you couples out there who are maybe just a little bit concerned that your partner or spouse might be unfaithful to you, I strongly suggest sitting down and having a chat. Make it very clear to each other that if either one of you cheats, then it's game over. There are no second chances, and it's the end of the relationship. This may seem a little harsh, but in this area you really only have two choices. You either allow it, or you don't. If this really is a deal-breaker for you, then you need to verbally communicate this very clearly, partly for their benefit. Being wishy-washy in this department rarely gives people the desired results. If you really don't care that much about infidelity, then disregard what I just said.

The reality is, we are living in an age where people are starting to think very progressively in many areas of life, and this includes sexuality. Some will go the other way, and have a consensual polygamous "romantic" arrangement, but worldwide, this is still not the norm, and will likely never be. Many people try it, but most end up switching back to a monogamous relationship, due to it's numerous advantages.

Sexuality is a very big deal when we are young (and for good reason), but it's significance and our natural chemistry production diminish as we age. We are biological creatures, and this powerful force in our lives is intended to keep our species going. Many will try and "keep the ball rolling" in a defiant, "denial of aging" fashion, but it is what it is. Other aspects of life start to take it's place in importance and this is ok. Personally I'm not really looking forward to this reality, but I don't really fear it either. For those who refuse to eventually "throw in the towel" on this aspect of life, there is always the little blue pill.

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